Sadness. :(

The share house is so messed up now.

Could you like just please stop it and let me moan for a bit?!

I know actually I'm very blessed and not that bad off but like I'm human you know, and I don't really have many chances to talk to myself so just let me complain about nothing to myself in front of you okay?

Like everytime I'm reminded that I'm fine, I'm doing great, I don't have that much stuff to worry about I just feel so ashamed/disgruntled!

ARGH but I know I shouldn't complain cos its irritating. -.-

I'm just having a weird mood swing. I hate all the stuff I have to finish before I leave(i.e. 2 assignments. -.-), I hate the radio test(GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH) and I hate just having to worry about the Media Kit assignment (who am I grouping with? Its like due the Monday after I return!), I hate having to worry for the News Release test (when is it gonna be?!), I hate having to worry over freaking radio (my nerves will truly fail me and I will just faint at the console) test even though I said that already and just like ugh why are there assignments NOW when I have to pack my stuff and get ready for the auditions?

I would MUCH rather have rehearsals everyday. :(

Even if its with people I don't really like man. As long as I'm in dance attire and in a dance studio, I'm a million times happier than when I'm in school.

Crap shit I'm like turning out to be some angsty PMSing moron la!!! But I shouldn't be PMSing! What is WRONG with me man?!








Oh great. Just ignore the above.

I am not sane today.


Sunday just come quick!

Ruimin's off to her rehearsal, and I'm stuck here finishing up News Writing.

Blah.

Anyway, today's lesson was really good and encouraging.

My turns weren't like excellent, but there were a few times that I was really stable...

And I was pretty clear-headed during the jumps and stuff which was good.

And today we did a lot of balancing stuff which I usually would have hated but today was okay. I wasn't like a rock, but at least it was a great improvement from the past.

If I perform like this at HKAPA I think I should at least be considered by them...

Let's work hard together Ruimin!

And thank God it didn't rain today and Ruimin's leg wasn't hurting like yesterday anymore.

But now I have terrible aches in my thighs. I'm so gonna be limping later and tomorrow.

UGH there is so like no time la. I still have my Journey and essay and I can't find time to practise RADIO!!! And I have no CDs! UGHHHH.

Why am I stressing out about school when I have auditions like REALLY soon....

Its so dumb.


Well...Finished News Writing...hopefully Journey will be done asap man...its so troublesome. Bleh.

And today I was filled with this violent feeling at a certain time. But well the 'nemy has no hope la. Let her eat our dust mannnn! XD

Yay dance was good. :)

Dental then school tomorrow. I hope the teacher doesn't put the test to week 8!!!!! PLEASE NOOOOO~

Then I have to do retest. Which is so troublesome and so horrible.

:D

Well I'm just totally excited and optimistic and happy that I've finished one exercise!

Louis Wang send me the photo today ah you moron. Don't reply my sms some more....

I love doing stuff here. I'm on the 9th floor and I can see the entire Marina Bay area right up to the sea! And the sky is SO pretty...

I hope I'll be able to feel this kind of peace in HK too... :)

God bless all of us!

My hipbones are bruised.

Today was crazy. First I was so nervous for the radio thing, then SHHK lasted till 6.



Radio was okay...its always fun with them...I'll sure miss those friends when I'm in HK.

If I ever get there....

XD

Then went for dance forty-five minutes early so I stoned for half an hour. Then dance.

IT WAS COOL COS EVERYONE CAME!!!!

And we had a quite thorough lesson. I know it felt longer than usual but I'm amazed I wasn't faint by 6.

Technique class for FOUR hours? That's like siao la!

But it wasn't too bad... I enjoyed it.


And the classmates I have are just nice and a little crazy. But crazy is good.

Anyway, Ruimin hurt her hip joint muscle like I hurt mine quite awhile back. Its pretty serious and I hope it'll go away soon.

Pray for her!

Mine only hurts occasionally now.


And well, today was pretty demoralising cos my turns were bad and my pointe was kind of off I realised.

There's just like a never-ending stream of problems with my technique, with my body structure, with everything.

Its kind of disheartening, but I keep telling myself that its worth the unpleasantness. Its worth the pain. Its worth stressing over.

I was just thinking of how I would've changed after 5 years in HKAPA...would I still be the same Elizabeth? The same old mediocre confused not very smart me?

I hope that through God, myself and my fellow dancemates, I'll never lose my passion for dance and always persevere.



加油！

---

Tomorrow is Hong Lei dance prac. Let's hope I do better. Much better.

And let my confidence be restored.




I really want to get into the school and succeed there.

If I'm not good enough for them still, I don't know when I'll ever be good enough, or whether I'll ever be good enough.



In one week, I'll be at Ruimin's house, getting ready for bed for the early morning the next day. My luggage packed and ready, the clothes for the next morning set out.


I'll be excited, not nervous.

I'll be waiting for my plane to come.

8 more days to HK

May God bless the both of us...

Horrible, unencouraging teachers

Distrustful, clingy parents

People who stick their noses into other people's life plan

People who say 'its for your own good'

Those who aren't understanding

People who let frustration and anger get in other's ways




I'm trying to be more sensitive, trying to be more disciplined, trying to take more initiative...and even if I'm not really succeeding, I'll continue to try...

I will never have the authority to dictate the actions and even more so the mindset of any other human being. And even if the rest of the world does it to each other, I will never approve of it and will never endorse it.

Even though I know there are people who are relatively more immature than others.

And less able to understand.


But I am contradicting myself.

Anyway, bottom line, I don't care whether you can stop yourself or not, but you should stop trying to tell us/me what to do because its MY life, not yours. And no matter what kind of choices I make, good, bad, or horrible, the consequences are mine to bear.

Even if I regret the decision, I will never regret the experience, even if I suffer, because I LEARN something.

I want my life to have goals, challenges, ups, downs (fewer of these would be great!) and MEANING.

I want to put my life in the hands of God and God only.

Nothing you say will change my life. And so you should stop repeating your useless words.

You can discourage me, insult me, mock me, whatever. But all I'm going to DO is to go ahead. Cos I'm not stupid. Cos I don't wanna give up before I try. Cos I believe that this is the path that will teach me what I want to learn.


Of course I will cry, get angry, regret blah blah blah, but at least I know that I can't blame anyone but myself. And that's it.

No more.













I wish you all would encourage us instead of questioning, discouraging, 'confirming', 'advising' us.

But I have God. So, who are you? What are you?








You're a big fat booger nothing.

Right o.

I couldn't use the internet last night at home. :(

And Ruimin and I were getting so excited over Hong Kong.


GAH I WANNA GO AND NOT COME BACK ALREADY.

I hope we get in. Seriously. Like desperately so.


Well...


Crap I have to finish my work I just can't seem to sit down and finish it properly tsk I have no discipline oh no.

Sleepy.

And omg I wanna dig out my eyeballs.

And I so so so cannot wait for the WEEKEND again.

Dance and dance!

Plus I am SO gonna be better than LAST WEEK and beat a certain ENEMYYY... XDDDD

Nah I'm just gonna improve by leaps and bounds. :DDDD

Some males belong to a generation of under-developed human beings.

Your mind obviously hasn't registered that you're already outta your mum's womb yet.

I hope not all men are that dumb.

Curse you David and David!!!!!!!

But I hope Archuleta wins. XDDDD

I think her lyrics may be a bit cheesy at times but it sure does make a lot of sense.



And Norah Jones has nice but illogical lyrics too. :D


Tomorrow I'm off to the Esplanade to get my Margot Fonteyn biography and start my journey proper and hopefully finish it asap.

Wanna finish all my essay and journey and a bit of the journal and the newswriting crap so I can start being truly excited for HK.


ITS THURSDAY TOMORROW AND HALF THE WEEK IS OVER!!!

OMG I'm freaking excited now I have tummy aches.



Today I had a donut from Dippit and it was okay. Chocolate Mint never fails me.



Today I finished one whole pack of Skittles without sharing cos Charmaine didn't want any and so being the pig I am I just swallowed the entire thing and now I have a puke-y feeling.



Shit I forgot about Radio test.

WE CAN DO IT GIRLS!

And Lim Zhee Yen tag hor you always read read read my blog then never tag.

XDD

I bought a new bun net. Like finally. Even though it kind of SUCKS.

I see a rainbow wash over his eyes

He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Angel in Disguise is SUCH a nice song.


And....We have 10 days left.




SHITTTTTTTTTT My work!


ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days ten days




If I kissed you, would you lose track of time?

I am upset because I am bored and no one has updated their blogs.


XD

I remember I did this meme last year where I sort of ranked all the blogs I read, and there was this 'least updated blog' category, and I feel like shoving everyone's blog there. XDDD


I'm sleepy. And I've had nothing to eat.
But I should stop saying that cos its just like how deb and ny tell me they don't eat its not good not good and I shouldn't do that.


OKAY. I'm having Mcdonalds for dinner!


-.-

Maybe not THAT pro-eating....




Comm Issues awakens the most redundant parts of my brains.

Lecture day! I'd have to say the only thing worth mentioning is that I watched the 6th episode of Last Friends...

HAHA! Joke!

We had the Muttons for lecturers today. For radio, of course. And they were pretty good. Not that Soo isn't of course, all our lecturers are great this sem.

With probably the exception of only one.... :p

But I'm sure they all have some good deep deep down inside them. :)


Norah Jones and Corrinne May. The best bedtime playlist ever.



HAHA thinking of my work, I just remembered this facebook group name: "I wish my homework was so asexual, it would do itself."

XDDD

Hilarious, and true!



Tomorrow will be tutorials, hope they'll be more interesting than tedious.
OMG I'm getting back my leads test tomorrow! Please don't fail please please please.



Great my cat is insane.


I'm like flying off next Sunday!

YAY cos like FINALLY, BOO cos all my work has gotta be done before that.

Great. Screwed up priorities.

One life really belongs to many others...




Well started on my journal! Did the cover. :DDDDDD

I'm so proactive I could kiss my own butt.


Not that kissing my butt has anything to do with anything.

Absolut Ruby Red absolutely SUCKS by the way.

And I thought it was Ribena. -.-

Vodka should just commit suicide for being unsmellable.

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way
To say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy birthday my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul
You've known to grow a little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Don't count the years just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Don't ever lose the wonder of the child within your eyes

Happy birthday my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
It's such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

Hahaha! Zhee yen and Chee wei were talking about 'anaesthesia' just now and Esabel asked me why they keep mentioning this girl called 'anastasia'. XDDDDD

Radio now...feel weird.


Right now, right this minute, I just want to be in a dance studio, in my dance attire, alone with the music.

I feel like I'm wasting my time being here.

I only wish that I could return to my dance studio slash home.



OMG THE MUTTONS ARE OUR GUEST LECTURERSSSSS!!!! FOR RADIO.

I can't see you behind that that huge mask of yours.

dancer
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