... In an incredibly competitive atmosphere, plagued by self-doubt, each student's passion will be put to the test. In addition to their artistic goals, they have to deal with everything else that goes along with high school, a tumultuous time full of schoolwork, deep friendships, budding romance, and self-discovery. As each student strives for his or her moment in the spotlight, they'll discover who among them has the innate talent and necessary discipline to succeed. With the love and support of their friends and fellow artists(in Singapore), they'll find out who amongst them will achieve Fame...

-Taken from the FAME the musical synopsis


Made me think alot about why I'm doing this.

At the end of the day, the power lies within you. No one can affect you if you don't let them... and if you don't mind the consequences.

Enough thinking la. My head is gonna explode.

'Cher say I never improve since the start. Great. -_-

Wasting people's time and money sia. I should just die or something.

Production week is over. I don't know how the next 4 weeks is gonna be like.

Can't wait till the holidays. Can't wait to go home.

Feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare and I can't wake up.

Zzz...

Never mind I'll just continue sleeping.

Am I almost there? Or have you disappeared?

It's really cold.

Now I know what living day-by-day means.

Can't wait for each day to pass.

Tomorrow we start later and I'm so darn happy.

Dreading rep.



And this weekend you're going away...

I wish I could go to Genting with them.

I wish I could take part in Collab.

Its been 2 and a half months and I'm still thinking of home.

Its been 2 and a half months and I still cannot do 平转s or steady triples.

Its been 2 and a half months and my extensions have not improved a single degree.

Its been 2 and a half months and I don't know where I've improved.

Its been 2 and a half months and I still haven't woken up.

Its been 2 and a half months and the patience is drying up.

There is a meteor shower tonight, and the view is supposed to be perfect in Lamma, but I'm really tired of seeing all these brilliant things alone. I'd rather not.

I wonder how many more days I'm going to have to spend alone...

28th Dec to 2nd Jan will be the most difficult time for me.

I don't want to find them all the time. I can't communicate with them. I'm not like you. I'm not as smart and not as strong.

But I know its no point complaining anyway. I'm just creating my own misery.

I feel like if I were to spend a single minute longer with you guys, I'm going to lose my temper. At you, at them, at everyone, at anything. I think I must be PMSing.

I really need to find out what is bothering me now and get rid of it.







I'm just afraid that it might be me.

:(

Wow I feel like I haven't blogged in forever.

Nothing much to blog about, other than the weather is coldcoldcold and I'm lovin' it! :D

Had a really lonely weekend, but it was not without its happy moments. :)


Now I'm looking forward to 宮心計. Sad to see my life dwindle down to this. -_-'''

I wonder how the lasalle people are doing with preparing for tomorrow... and how was ballet today?

My siblings and dad are coming on the 19th Dec to 27th Dec. 25, 26 ,27 Dec is Ruimin's perf plus some chinese acrobatic troupe perf.

15 Dec Andrea coming with her family.

13 Dec is my parents' birthday and wedding anniversary plus Coppelia.

26 Nov is Debby's birthday.

22 Nov is homework day (Folk reflections, shen yun reflections, Doc and Tech powerpoint and LMA journals).

21 Nov is FAME and Dance 1.

20 Nov is Dance 1 and Dance 1.

19 Nov is dinner at Taikoo and maybe video for Doc and Tech.

18 Nov is teaching and tweaking compo for each other, and choreography for Doc and Tech.

17 Nov is 2012 and maybe FAME reh and paying bills and buying thumbtacks and SOLOCARE.

16 Nov is today and it was cold and maybe I just need more dancing.



I NEED MORE DIFFERENT KIND OF DANCING! THE SAME EXERCISES EVERYDAY ARE SO BOOOOORING!

Rah. At least change exercises or something la. I can't believe we're still doing the exact same xiao tan tui since SEPTEMBER!

Zzz...

Not that I can do it perfectly but I'm so bored........


Haih tomorrow go early warm up properly.

I feel like I can understand how she feels... happy yet sad. Looking forward and backward at the same time.

Its a very contradictory feeling.

Ruimin's mum came and she brought milo and pokka green tea for me! T_T I'm so touched she remembered. :)

It may just be a small gesture but it makes me as happy as when I do a triple in class.

Haha....

When you're a dancer you know how impossible it is to perform full-time. Look at people like Svetlana Zakharova, Danill Simkin, 刘岩, 唐诗逸, 孙锐. How many of us can actually be like that? Or don't even look so far.

The professional SCHOOLS, the ones that we're supposed to be in the same level in (ignoring the fact that they're so much younger): Bolshoi Ballet School, Royal Ballet School, 北舞 etc.

Seriously. Do you even think after 5 years you can do chuan fan shens like them? Or ban tui and kong tui 180 degrees... Even if you're good enough by then, do you have the feet? The body? The face?

I don't know about others la. I know I don't.



But I'm not upset because of that. I think it would be so wonderful to have my own little company with dancers who are all my close friends and for every piece/show, we work together to create something that is close to our heart. And we appreciate each other for our strengths and help to fill up each others weaknesses.

And even though we may not earn enough money, but what we're working for is from the heart.

I think having a small studio like Cheng Ballet would be great. To be working with the people you love, where all the students are friendly and close, where the environment is so serious when its supposed to be, but yet there are smiles when there need be too. :)

Well I'm being idealistic and impractical as usual, let's see where life takes us la. As long as I'm at home I'll be happy. :)

If I've learnt nothing from coming here, I've learnt to cherish the people who love me more. :)

Tomorrow is my first totally free day since coming here. I think I'll take a walk around Lamma. :) Its getting colder too... A little bit of rest sure goes a long way... I'm sure by Monday I'll be dying to jump back into work again. XD

I'M BLOODY TIRED!

I don't wanna go to school tomorrow.

I want to sleep for 24hours.

ZZZZZZZZ....

Am feeling more and more stiff in class now. Less energy, less stable, less everything.

I dunno how to get myself up again.

Right now I'm just in pain. Aching, cramping, hurting...

Today I joined ballet class. I'm completely chinese-ified. -_-

But class isn't all bad. Today my turns were better. Whacked triples as in stable double and super slow last turn. haha...

...

Now I know how it feels like to have all the money in the world and to be in the most beautiful place in the world but have no one to share it with.

I mean all that figuratively okay.

I mean, sometimes I see the most amazing sights here, and I just want someone to enjoy it with, but most of the times, its only new to me, and the rest don't even think its worth noticing at all... and I guess in time, I'll think that way too.

There's nothing to blog about now.

Sick of thinking of home everyday. Sick of keeping as quiet as I can because no one understands, or even wants to. Sick of putting in so much effort to smile. Sick of being sick of dancing. Sick of trying to not piss off the teachers.

I was happier having my own class with ruimin and zu you in lasalle.

I'm living for the weekends too.

I don't think anyone end up coming this holiday haha... well everyone has their own life to live. If only I could fast forward these 4 years. I wonder how long it will be, before I become someone I can't recognise.

My heart is full of sighs.

Where is the joy that dance brought me?

I need some time to slack, to stay at home all day and do nothing but use the com, watch tv, eat, sleep and be useless.

Even though usually I hate being so bored at home, but now I really feel like I haven't gotten a good rest in so long. The past week was crazily tiring, and every week the load just piles on.

I need to stop spending money too.

I need to practice steps more.

I need to stop pestering the people back home.


I think I talk too much and expect people to listen.

I should just say what people wanna hear and smile and keep quiet when I should. -_-

So tired of thinking what to do is right and trying to do it even though I don't want to so people won't dislike me.

I'm still Elibird, wherever I go. I'm not gonna be one of those who changes in front of different people. If they're not happy with what I say or do, or find it weird, whatever la. I don't live my life for you.

Zzz... maybe things will look up after my three lao po bings. :D


Oh yes, I should stop hoping for things that will never happen too. :)
Cos hope will only bring disapppointment.

The chinese dance teachers had some meeting on tuesday, and I don't know what they talked about, but all of them went crazy in the next few days.

Wednesday Tech Skills Ruimin kena nag until like siao like that.
Tech Class both of us tio.
Compo sheng and pei came to watch us, but I didn't show them my solo.

Thursday Tech class Debby got scolded until damn bad. She cry. :(
I remember saying to Ruimin during class "She today bad mood ah." "Crazy."
Walao damn jialat la.
Then Rep pei laoshi 'talked' to us also, and sheng laoshi came in to watch and she was like sniggering at our stupid huang he dance that we look horrible doing.

Then today tech class was slightly better but caiying laoshi was still not very happy and I joined the dip 2 contemp people for their class immediately after, followed by my own contemp class which was FUNNER cos got across the floor finally. :D
And then after the 3 tech classes we had shen yun and guess what. Scolded by sheng laoshi again...

Walao.
Damn sucky.

Okay never mind next week is production week, hopefully things will get better. :)

Ruimin is staying over tonight! for once :) I feel so bad cos she doesn't like taking the ferry and the long walk to the pier, unlike me the super 隨便 anything person. But she still does it for me so I'm happy. :)

Digestive biscuits + fresh milk is the best. :D

Just came back from watching Beyond Boundaries, 6 short dances by 6 renowned contemporary dancers from Hong Kong, Taiwan, Malaysia and Korea.

It was a short one hour, but I felt like it was one of the better contemporary shows I've been to, cos each dancer had something to bring to the small stage. The lighting for each piece was detailed and varied, the space was small and intimate and the dancers themselves were all wonderful in their own styles.

The first dance was by Li Yong Jing, a contemp teacher at HKAPA. I really loved the piece cos it was short, clear, and her movement had a lot of dynamic variation and I loved the way each sweep of her arm looked like 5 arms, because of the light and the blackbox.

Movement quality is something all 6 of them had set down from the very first step. It was so enjoyable watching them dance because you could really see each movement's initiation and energy.

The second dance was by Fan Xing Hua from China, and the moment he stepped out I was like 'he's so skinny!!!' and his dance was really quiet and more or less focused on the spot. He had a very interesting style, kind of twisted and writhing within himself. But after awhile I admit I was kinda bored. :p

The third dance was by Wang Ruping, who also teaches contemp in APA and she's from taiwan. Her style was very different from Li yongjing. Hers was more percussive and involved more isolations than smooth movements (which honestly I kind of prefer. :p), but it was still interesting to watch and you could see how strong and steady she was with all the balances and held moments. I liked her lighting as well.

The fourth dance was by Zixin, Jensen and Lu's teacher, Steve from Malaysia. His dancing is just, WOW. He's a very good dancer. Nice lines, strong yet smooth energy, steady and grounded yet airy and light. But I didn't really like his piece that much because I felt all the movement had no purpose, and personally I find it boring after awhile. :p Just watching the technique lor.

I didn't really like the fifth piece. It was by Yunna Long from China and I didn't like the dancing or the choreography. :p But she had wonderful facilities.

The last piece was the one that interested me the most. When the lights came on, there was a bald man wearing a shirt dress. I was like 'why is he wearing a dress?' and I expected him to do something gimmicky or not dancey, but boy was I wrong! XD He's Mikey Lee from Korea, and as the korean dancers usually are, this piece and his style was very special. Kind of like popping! Like contemp plus popping. And the music was kind of...hip hop? techno? dance? I dunno. But I liked the piece and certain motifs within the piece which included use of lighting as well as movements. I loved his style and I felt that his piece had really clear structure and of course, dynamic variation. It was a joy to watch. :)

The concert cost me a mere HKD45, but I had a great one hour. :)



I just wish I could've watched the lasalle people perform. I want to watch Sam perform her first piece in Lasalle. I wanna watch Andrea do Checkmate. I wanna see Sudhee do IF. I wanna see the Level 2 version of Omar's Trio. I wanna see the level 3s performing as level 3s. I miss that corridor outside the Rehearsal studio. :)

And I wanna watch Zu You's first performance of Ba Lang. And I wanna watch Paloma and the rest. I wanna watch Coppelia.


Can't believe its another 3 months before I take another step on Singapore soil. :(

But I'm living life. :) And I'm glad people back home still bother to think of me.... I miss y'all.....

Zzz... getting sleepy. Can't believe I took 3 tech classes today of my own accord. I must be going crazy. Hahaha...